<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>at dawn, at dusk by nappeuns</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044948">at dawn, at dusk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nappeuns/pseuds/nappeuns'>nappeuns</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Dreamsharing, M/M, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:14:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nappeuns/pseuds/nappeuns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Doyoung first meets Jaehyun, he's six years old, and he's dreaming.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>jaedo digest: vol. 2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>at dawn, at dusk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i've had this idea floating around as a draft since i watched kimi no na wa in 2017, so when i saw a prompt for this fest that perfectly matched this fic idea i have been dying to write for ages, i knew i had to get on it! for added impact, please listen to the kimi no na wa soundtrack, or, optionally, sun and moon by nct127 on repeat, because that's essentially all i listened to while planning and writing this fic.</p><p>this is a... MASSIVE change of pace from my usual writing, so pls forgive me lmao i beg.</p><p>also, we do not see doyoung and jaehyun's legal names, they are simply doyoung and jaehyun always. we pretend we do not see it. okay? okay!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Doyoung first meets Jaehyun, he's six years old, and he's dreaming.</p><p>He knows he's dreaming because he's in a park and it's nighttime, and his parents would never let him go play in the park this late. With how dark the sky is, the moon high and full in the sky, he should be asleep by now, tucked into his bed back in his parent's home. And he is, really; it's only this dream version of himself that's allowed to be out this late.</p><p>There isn't anyone around, as far as Doyoung can see. With the light from the moon and the orange glow of the streetlamps lining the path through the park, it's not as scary out here, but Doyoung is still alone. But somewhere, along the path, if Doyoung listens closely, he can hear it— a boy crying, hiccupping and weeping bouncing along the paved trail towards him.</p><p>"Hello?" Doyoung calls as loud as he can. His voice echoes around him, and the crying quiets. "Is anyone there?"</p><p>There's silence for a few moments, and Doyoung waits for a reply, something to point him which way he needs to go. But an answer doesn't come, just the soft sounds of crying again, hitches of breath between quiet, muted wails.</p><p>Doyoung walks towards it.</p><p>For a long while, he doesn't see anything. The path before him stretches and winds through the immeasurable dark, longer than Doyoung has ever seen before. There's no way he's ever been to a place like this; it must be made up. Despite it being unfamiliar, though, Doyoung doesn't feel scared. The yellowed light of the lamps lights the path before his feet, the dark broken up by small circles of glowing orange light.</p><p>The sound of crying grows closer, gradual— that's how Doyoung knows he's on the right path. Eventually, a bit further away, he sees it— a young boy, who looks to be a bit younger than he is, sitting under a light post. Doyoung can't see his face; he's got his head on his knees, but his back and shoulders shake as he cries and cries.</p><p>Doyoung's always been a cautious child, but he doesn't like it when people are upset. So he walks a bit closer (but not too close) and asks, quiet, "Are you okay?"</p><p>The boy looks up, tears all over his face. He's got black hair, bangs shaggy and in his eyes, mussed up from where his head was pressed against his knees, and a round, chubby face, big eyes. Those eyes light up in recognition when he sees Doyoung, though, and before he knows what's happened, the boy is scrambling up, running right to Doyoung and grabbing him around the waist.</p><p>"Doyoungie-hyung," the boy is wailing, face pressed to his chest. His hands are grabbing at the back of Doyoung's shirt, tugging and pulling the fabric so Doyoung can't move away. "Doyoungie-hyung, where were you?"</p><p>Doyoung is confused. As far as he knows, he's never seen this boy before in his life. He's not in his preschool class, he's not a sibling of one of his brother's friends, and he doesn't live in his neighbourhood. How does this boy know his name? "What do you mean?" he asks the boy, his hands hovering around him cautiously. The boy is still crying, tears dampening the front of Doyoung's shirt. "I don't know... Where are we? Who are you?"</p><p>The boy looks up at him, all plump cheeks and thick dark bangs and big, watery brown eyes. "Doyoungie-hyung, don't you remember me?" he asks, hopeful through the tears. "It's me, Jaehyun. I've been looking everywhere for you."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Doyoung starts seeing this boy in his dreams most nights.</p><p>It's never an event when they see each other, and it stops becoming special. Doyoung can never seem to predict it. Sometimes, he'll go a few days, maybe more than a week without seeing Jaehyun, but then Doyoung will hear the familiar call of "Doyoungie-hyung!" and realize oh, he's here again. Jaehyun always seems so happy to see him again, as if he's missed Doyoung the entire time they were apart, and it warms a part of Doyoung's heart whenever Jaehyun runs up to him with a smile.</p><p>Slowly, gradually, they learn about each other. Doyoung finds out that Jaehyun lives in Seoul. He's an only child. He likes music and playing sports. He wants to be a singer when he grows up. He's a year younger than Doyoung, almost exactly— his birthday is on Valentine's day. He's not that funny, and he's a bit annoying because he's younger, but Doyoung likes him, generally.</p><p>It takes over a month, but eventually, Doyoung tells his parents about this boy that keeps showing up in his dreams. He tells them about Jaehyun, and how they met in a park, and he likes sports and singing and is born on Valentine's Day.</p><p>"That's nice, Doyoungie," his mother says, petting his head. She places a few sets of chopsticks and spoons into his hands and pats his back gently. "Can you and your friend help set the table?"</p><p>Doyoung looks up at her, confused and with a pout. "No," he tells his mom, as if it's obvious. Jaehyun isn't here, clearly. "He's not here. He's in Seoul."</p><p>His mother looks at him for a moment, a strange expression on her face, before she looks up. When Doyoung follows her gaze, he can see his father watching them in silence. "Right, of course," his mother says, and when she looks back at him, she's all smiles. "But you can set the table all by yourself, right?"</p><p>Doyoung's still frowning at her, but he nods, walking over to the table with the utensils. His brother looks at him from across the table as he slowly puts out the small plates and bowls his mother had given him. Doyoung doesn't look back.</p><p>He doesn't bring up Jaehyun again.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"You know, I don't think my parents think you're real," Doyoung says, a few days later, after meeting Jaehyun again. They're at a pond this time, standing on the edge of it, the water brushing the tips of their shoes. Doyoung recognizes it as one on the outskirts of town, one he'd seen on the way to visit his grandparents once. He wonders if Jaehyun knows where it is. There's rocks along the shore, and Jaehyun keeps picking them up and throwing them without trying to skip them, each one letting out a heavy plunk as it sinks into the water.</p><p>"Mine don't think you're real either," Jaehyun says. He picks up a bigger stone, one that needs two hands to lift, and heaves it into the water. It tumbles in with a splash, some water sloshing onto the ground in front of Doyoung's feet. "But you are, right?"</p><p>Doyoung kicks a stone in front of him, the smooth pebble skittering along its brothers until it runs into the water. He's definitely real; he has a life outside of meeting Jaehyun, a life in Guri with his parents and brother and friends. And Jaehyun talks about his life, but Doyoung's never met him before. He only sees Jaehyun while he's asleep. "I am," he replies, then asks, "Are you?"</p><p>"Yeah," Jaehyun answers, no hesitation. He picks up another rock, winding his arm back before throwing it with all his might. It goes further than the others, landing with a splash in the middle of the pond. Jaehyun cheers, throwing his hands up for winning a contest with himself, and Doyoung claps for him with a smile.</p><p>"Doyoungie-hyung," Jaehyun says after a moment, bent over to find another rock. He's searching for the perfect one, smooth and flat, picking up other ones to test how they feel in his hands before dropping them again. "You should come to Seoul and visit me."</p><p>Doyoung nods. Seoul isn't far— he could probably ask his parents to take him one weekend, if he did all his chores and was on good behaviour. He’d been there before, a long time ago, but he didn’t remember much of it; just the river, and eating ice cream with his brother, sticky on his fingers. He wants to go again. "Sure," he agrees easily. "Where should we meet?"</p><p>The dream changes, then, suddenly. It feels like Doyoung has water in his eyes and ears, like that one time he went swimming. Everything is blurry, and he can't see Jaehyun clearly. The lake has a light in it now, shining from the centre, like the stone Jaehyun had thrown flipped the switch of a lamp, and he can hear music coming from somewhere behind him, soft and twinkling into his consciousness. He calls out to Jaehyun, and he can hear Jaehyun say something back, but his ears are full of water, full of cotton, and everything sounds too muffled and too far away for him to catch. He holds out a hand, and something touches his palm, but he can't grasp onto it before he wakes up.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Doyoung can’t seem to find Jaehyun in his dreams after that.</p><p>He's not sure if it had anything to do with how his last dream ended. Nothing like that had ever happened before— usually when Doyoung woke up, it was calm, gradual, like a movie fading to black. Occasionally, it was sudden, but it never felt so violent; it was more of a blink-and-you-miss it type, where one second he was in the dream, and the next, he was staring at the walls of his room. It had never felt like this before, the feeling of being torn away, Jaehyun and whatever was left of him smothered. It was scary to Doyoung, when he woke up, this feeling of loss. The lack of Jaehyun in the days, weeks, months that followed weren't very reassuring, either.</p><p>Doyoung thinks about going to Seoul to try and meet, like Jaehyun had suggested, but the idea is impossible. Seoul is massive, and with no direction, there was no way that Doyoung would be able to find him. Besides, what proof is there to say that Jaehyun would even be there?</p><p>What proof is there to say that Jaehyun is even real?</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It takes over a year for Doyoung to see Jaehyun again.</p><p>It's a fluke, honestly. It's a Sunday afternoon, the hot, humid weather of July's rainy season seeping into the house. Doyoung had stayed up too late on the Saturday night before, playing around the house with his brother, the two of them fooling around way past dark. So when the rain began to fall on Sunday, the drops pattering against the window in a gentle rhythm as Doyoung read on his bed, it was natural for Doyoung to drift off to sleep.</p><p>At first, Doyoung isn't sure what he's seeing. He's in a field somewhere, the stalks of the plants around him extending in long, green reaches above his head. A bit behind him, he hears cars driving by, the wind rustling the leaves of the plants— he must be near a road. When Doyoung looks around, though, he can't see anything other than the plants, sprawling out around him in every direction.</p><p>Behind him, the plants rustle. Doyoung turns just in time to see a head of black hair disappear between the stalks, feet taking the person—Jaehyun— away from him. Doyoung tries to call out to him, but he finds he can't get the sound out— his mouth won't open, he can't push the air from his chest hard enough to even make a hum. Doyoung listens, hearing Jaehyun moving slowly further away from him.</p><p>He looks behind himself again, towards the sounds of the road, then follows Jaehyun deeper into the field.</p><p>Doyoung moves on sound alone at first, the shaking of the branches, the soft sound of footsteps on the dirt. Then he looks up, and he can see the plants moving, making way as Jaehyun moves through them. He tries to call Jaehyun's name again, but the sound catches, his lips unable to form the syllables. Slowly, gradually as Doyoung chases him through the field, Jaehyun's back comes into view— dark hair, red t-shirt, shorts, sneakers. Doyoung reaches a hand out when he's close enough, trying to grab him, but his reach always seems just too short, Jaehyun just beyond his fingertips.</p><p>It seems like forever, but eventually, the tips of Doyoung's fingers brush against the back of Jaehyun's shirt, then clasp his shoulder. He turns around just as his name bursts from Doyoung's mouth like a dam breaking; "Jaehyun!"</p><p>A clap of thunder. Doyoung wakes with a start. Outside the window, rain pours down in streams, the storm seeming to rattle the house and Doyoung himself with it.</p><p>Jaehyun doesn't show up again after that. No matter what Doyoung does, he can't seem to recreate the circumstances that made Jaehyun appear in his dream in the first place. The weather doesn't matter, the time of day doesn't matter. Every time Doyoung goes to sleep, Jaehyun isn't there.</p><p>Doyoung's sad about it at first, but with time, the feelings and the memories fade. He's got school, after-school activities, his friends in his real life, his family. He doesn't have time to worry about Jaehyun.</p><p>Before too long, like any other child, he forgets.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Jaehyun?"</p><p>From further down the subway platform, Jaehyun turns to look at him. He's grown in the two years since Doyoung last saw him, filled out a bit, gotten taller— but the dimpled smile he turns on Doyoung is still the same. Against the fuzzy, hazy background of the subway station they're in, Jaehyun stands out like the moon in the night sky. "Doyoungie-hyung!"</p><p>A subway train drives past them, the wind pushing Doyoung forward. His feet begin to move, and before he knows it, he's running towards Jaehyun, the other boy moving against the wind to meet him in the middle. The train stops and people pour out onto the platform around them, faceless and murky, but Doyoung doesn't stop moving until Jaehyun is standing in front of him, smiling, beaming. Doyoung had nearly forgotten what his smile looked like.</p><p>"Where were you?" is the only thing Doyoung can think to ask, once he gathers himself well enough to speak. It had been years since he last saw Jaehyun, since he chased Jaehyun in that field and just barely never reached him. He'd thought Jaehyun was gone for good, rationalized him off as a figment of his imagination in his childhood that disappeared as he'd gotten older. He'd spent the last two years thinking his parents had been right— Jaehyun wasn't real. But now he was here— older, taller, filled to the brim with excitement as he stood in front of Doyoung.</p><p>"Where were <em> you </em>?" Jaehyun asks back with a laugh. Doyoung can't help it— he smiles. "I was looking everywhere for you!"</p><p>"I was right here!" Doyoung responds indignantly, waving his arms. "I never went anywhere! You just stopped showing up!"</p><p>Jaehyun's eyebrows furrow at that, but then something seems to click on his face and he lets out a soft <em> oh </em>. "Maybe it's because I moved to America," he says quietly, and Doyoung splutters.</p><p>"You moved to <em> America </em>?" Doyoung nearly shouts. In any other subway station, he wouldn't dare make this much noise, but the space inside the dream around him and Jaehyun has faded so much, it felt like anything more than a meter away from them was obscured, like looking through muddy water. "Why didn't you tell me!"</p><p>Jaehyun, at the very least, has the decency to look apologetic. "I forgot!" he says frantically, and Doyoung scoffs, crossing his arms. "I thought I would see you again, so I was going to tell you then! Hyung, I'm sorry!"</p><p>Doyoung looks at Jaehyun for a few moments, pouting, but Jaehyun's sincere and earnest apology breaks him down quickly. "Okay, fine," he relents, and Jaehyun seems to heave out a sigh in relief. "At least you're back."</p><p>Jaehyun brightens up at that, smiling that same, cute, dimpled smile he's had all these years. "You got taller, hyung," he says, placing a hand on his own head and sliding it out as if to try and see how he measures up to Doyoung now.</p><p>"So did you," Doyoung replies, laughing as he watches Jaehyun's hand move in a curve to try to make himself seem taller. "No, you're doing it wrong— here," he offers, then reaches out, his hand resting flat on the top of Jaehyun's head.</p><p>"Doyoung-ah, it's time for school!"</p><p>Doyoung blinks his eyes open to the light of the morning filtering in through his bedroom window, the soft clicking sound of his mother closing the bedroom door again. He rubs his eyes, trying to push away the remnants of sleep that linger on him, then looks at his hand and smiles.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Doyoung starts seeing Jaehyun again.</p><p>Not every night, of course; there are some nights when Doyoung comes home from a full day of school and after-school academies and is so tired that he just falls into bed and right into a dark, dreamless slumber. They don't meet in every dream either; sometimes, Doyoung is on his own in the dream, vague, nonsensical sequences that Doyoung struggles to string together. But at least one night a week, Jaehyun is there.</p><p>This time, they're walking along a road in a city. Doyoung can't tell if it's in Guri or if it's in Seoul— it's quite busy, with cars rushing by, the buildings on either side of the street lined with convenience stores, restaurants, cafes. Doyoung doesn't recognize the signs, though— and if Jaehyun does, he doesn't say anything.</p><p>Jaehyun kicks a leaf that had fallen onto the sidewalk in front of them, making it flutter up into the air before falling back down again just a couple of steps away. The interlocking brick forming the path shifts when Doyoung steps on it, the small slope of the road causing it to not lay quite flat. "Do you like your school?" Jaehyun asks, glancing at Doyoung before looking back at the sidewalk. He kicks the leaf again, but it catches on the toe of his shoe and doesn't go anywhere.</p><p>Doyoung hums, gives a nod. He's in fifth grade now; his teacher is nice, and his classmates are fun, even if they're a little bit noisy. He's got no reason to complain. "Yeah, I do," he answers, watching Jaehyun as they walk. A truck rushes by them, noisy and clattering on the road. "What about you?"</p><p>Jaehyun hums a little, then shakes his head minutely. "Not really," he says, his voice smaller than Doyoung is used to— not that Jaehyun had ever been exceedingly loud in the first place.</p><p>"Why not?" Doyoung asks, trying to peer around at Jaehyun's face. The other boy is just watching the path where they walk, lining his feet up with the cracks in the bricks before each step. He gives a shrug, hopping from one brick to another.</p><p>"Everyone just calls me 'the boy who lived in America'," Jaehyun explains quietly. He pauses, then jumps to another brick, moving ahead of Doyoung so he has to run a couple of steps to keep up. "In English class, they're always telling the teacher, 'Just ask Jaehyun! He'll know the answer!' And then English class is over and they don't really care about me anymore."</p><p>Doyoung lets out an understanding noise at that as someone steps out of a shop they're walking past, the bell above the door chiming. "Well, you can make friends, right?" he suggests, then quickly amends, "with people who don't just like you because you lived in America."</p><p>Jaehyun lets out a huff as they keep walking. "Yeah, but it's just frustrating," he admits, and Doyoung nods. "They all have friends already. And they only talk to me about America. I'm still Korean. And I like other things too."</p><p>"You'll be okay," Doyoung reassures. He doesn't really know what to say. Him and Jaehyun have never really talked about anything serious, or specific things they were dealing with in their real lives. This is new for him. "You'll make friends. Just show them that you like other things, too, not just English."</p><p>Jaehyun walks in silence for long enough that Doyoung worries he might have said something wrong, before eventually he lets out a sigh. "Yeah, you're right," he admits, turning to give Doyoung a glance, a soft smile. "Thanks, hyung."</p><p>Doyoung can't help but smile a little bit in return, shrugging. "It's nothing."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Happy birthday to you!"</p><p>There's a cake on the table between them, the wax from the candles wedged into the cake dripping onto the icing in colourful puddles. The rest of the room around them is dim, walls lit by the flickering, warm light of the candles. Jaehyun smiles at him across the table as they blow the candles out together, and hands they can't see applaud them.</p><p>Their birthdays are only two weeks apart, but this is the first time they've celebrated them together in dreams like this. When lights flicker on from somewhere, Jaehyun is still smiling and laughing, brighter than the blue sky. Even though Doyoung heard clapping earlier, there isn't anyone else around— so they share the small cake between the two of them, breaking pieces off of it with chopsticks from opposite sides, fresh cream and berries.</p><p>It's the end of the school year, now. In a couple of weeks, Doyoung will be done sixth grade, and start fresh in his first grade of middle school. A couple of his friends won't be going to the same school as him— maybe they're going to a better one further away, or their family is moving to a different area of town. Doyoung is sad about it, of course— goodbyes are never easy— but as he looks at Jaehyun, icing on his lip as he eagerly eats the cake, he realizes that maybe it isn't so bad. His school friends may come and go, and maybe there won't be a lot of nice people at his middle school, but at least he has Jaehyun, right?</p><p><em> I like him</em>. The thought comes to him slowly, like a train rolling into the station, chugging to a stop. Across the table, Jaehyun has picked a strawberry off of his side of the cake and is reaching over to put it on Doyoung's side. <em> Oh wow, I like him. </em></p><p>Slowly, Doyoung puts his chopsticks down. Jaehyun's eyebrows rise, and he looks at Doyoung, concerned. "Hyung, do you not like strawberries?" he asks. They both startle when outside, somewhere, thunder claps. Doyoung turns around to find there's no wall behind him, just an opening out into a storm, the hot, suffocating heat of a typhoon leaking into the February room.</p><p>"Hyung, what's wrong?" Jaehyun's voice floats into his ears from far away. The rain is a sheet of white noise, drowning the other boy out. "What are you looking at? Hyung, where are you?"</p><p>Doyoung wakes up with a start, bolting upright in his bed. His room is coated in the blue light of early morning, before the sun has fully risen yet, and the rest of the house is quiet. Doyoung blinks for a few moments, before letting out a sigh and falling back into bed, pressing his hands to his face.</p><p>He likes Jaehyun. Cool. Great. So he's gay, maybe. That's fine. (Honestly, that's not as jarring for Doyoung to realize. He'd never had a shred of interest in girls, so finding out he truly is interested in guys doesn't come as such a terrible shock.) But he's gay for Jaehyun— a boy who he's only ever met in his dreams. A boy he's never even seen in real life, whose waking life he knows little about other than that he lives in Seoul, and he went to study in America. A boy he's not even sure really exists.</p><p>Doyoung groans a little bit, pressing his hands to his face harder. <em> I'm screwed</em>.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Doyoung leans against the fence, looking down at the packed dirt of the schoolyard below him. They're on the roof of a school Doyoung doesn't recognize— it was probably Jaehyun's, Doyoung realized once he thought long enough about it, the place pulled from his mind into their shared dream. Behind him, the other boy is walking along a bench like it's a balance beam, silent between them except for the wind and the humming of the vents, circulating air from outside into the school.</p><p>It's been silent between them for a while now. After Doyoung realized that he had a crush on Jaehyun, who may or may not actually exist, he'd chosen to do the most logical thing at the time: keep his distance. What better way to get rid of your feelings than ignore them and the person they were attached to, right? So Doyoung had talked to Jaehyun less and less, despite Jaehyun's best efforts to keep their conversations going in the face of Doyoung's blatant lack of interest. Eventually, though, Jaehyun had started talking less as well, wilting in their dreams together, and Doyoung had to stamp down his guilt at that.</p><p>Their conversations have dwindled gradually over the months, and then the months spanned over a year. Now, Doyoung can't remember the last time they'd spoken, the silence seeming to plague them. They never really avoided each other in their dreams— it seemed like they couldn't, really, always ending up in the same space with nowhere else to go— but saying that they spent time together now would be loose at best.</p><p>Part of Doyoung is sad about it. Of course he is— Jaehyun is nice, friendly, always willing to talk to Doyoung about whatever. He's a bright person, but not in a way that feels blinding; rather, Jaehyun is soft and calm, seeming to diffuse whatever emotion Doyoung felt. He has no reason not to like Jaehyun, other than his own selfish attempts to spare his feelings. But he knows he can't risk his own heart like this, falling for someone that Doyoung isn't even sure exists.</p><p>A gust of wind blows by then, rushing past Doyoung and whipping his hair away from his face with a force that makes him gasp. He turns to watch where the wind is blowing, but when he looks behind him, he's alone, the bench Jaehyun was walking on now empty.</p><p>In the distance, a small, white strip of paper floats on the wind, swept away into the blue sky.</p><p>"Jaehyun?"</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Doyoung taps his foot as he looks out the car window, watching the buildings and other cars move past them. Next to him, his brother is doing the same thing, flipping through the printed papers in his hands. In the front seat, his mother sighs.</p><p>"Boys, you're shaking the car more than the road," she scolds, and both of them immediately stop, Doyoung drawing his feet together. She laughs the next moment, though, and both of them relax. "Don't worry, you'll be fine," she assures, and Doyoung glances at his brother, who's fidgeting with the papers in his lap. "Don't be too nervous, okay?"</p><p>They're in Seoul for the weekend. Doyoung's brother had managed to get scouted for an entertainment company, and his audition was today. His parents had taken the opportunity to have the family spend a weekend in Seoul— even if things didn't go well for his brother and he didn't make it through the audition, they reasoned this could still be a nice memory. Doyoung had been pulled along, naturally, even though spending extended time in Seoul scared him.</p><p>He hasn't seen Jaehyun in over a year, since that dream on the rooftop, when the wind seemed to whip past him and take Jaehyun away. At first he'd tried to convince himself it was for the best— that Jaehyun had never been real all along, and his disappearance was Doyoung growing up enough to let go of this fantasy person he had been holding onto. But before long, the sadness had come creeping in, reaching its dark fingers into his heart. If Doyoung thought about it too long, it would overwhelm him, this aching emptiness that something— someone— he'd had in his life for so long had been taken from him. Even though part of Doyoung had wanted it. Even though Doyoung himself had pushed Jaehyun away. Even if he might have never been real in the first place, there was a part of Doyoung that missed Jaehyun with an ache that felt like a hole in his chest.</p><p>And now he's in Seoul— Jaehyun's home. Doyoung had avoided it as much as possible since Jaehyun had disappeared, but he couldn't turn his parents down this time. <em> You boys are getting older</em>, they had told him. <em> Your brother might move away soon, and Doyoung-ah, you're already in high school. Let's do something nice before you get too old and busy to spend time with your parents. </em> He hadn't been able to say no to that, so here he was, in a car on the way to his brother's audition before the real family event would start.</p><p>Doyoung knows it's pretty much impossible that he would see Jaehyun here— Seoul is massive, and the chances of running into one specific person that weekend are like finding a needle in a haystack. But there's still that undercurrent of <em> something— </em> a feeling between fear and hope— that maybe, he can see Jaehyun. Maybe Jaehyun is real, and they would see each other, and Jaehyun would call him "Doyoungie-hyung" like he used to when they were kids and they would run to each other and Jaehyun would open his arms—</p><p>Doyoung feels heat rise to his face and he quickly presses his palms to his cheeks to cover it. Next to him, his brother turns to him with a concerned look, pausing his run through of the script for his audition. "Are you okay?" he asks, quiet so their parents might not hear, and Doyoung nods quickly.</p><p>"I'm fine," he assures, rubbing his eyes and turning away so he doesn't have to face his brother's worried expression. "My eyes just got dry from spacing out, it's okay."</p><p>Thankfully, his brother lets it go, too worried with his own life to pry into Doyoung's. Doyoung faces the window and closes his eyes, hoping that if he isn't able to see what's out there, he won't have to confront whether Jaehyun is real or not.</p><p>(He doesn't see Jaehyun that weekend. Doyoung isn't sure if what he feels is disappointment or relief.)</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Oh, you're new, right?" the young man in front of him says as he opens the door to let Doyoung into the dance studio. He smiles at Doyoung, his angular face instantly softening into something friendly. "Nice to meet you, I'm Taeyong."</p><p>Doyoung tries to nod, but his eyes are stuck on another man standing further in the studio, stretching in front of the mirror. "Um," Doyoung manages after a moment, pulling his gaze away to look back at Taeyong, who is looking at him expectantly. "I'm, uh— I'm Doyoung."</p><p>Taeyong nods at that, his face lighting up again. "Come in, come in," he encourages, gesturing for Doyoung to step inside the studio with the rest of them. "I'll introduce you to some of the other trainees."</p><p>Doyoung steps into the studio for the first time nervously, his eyes already moving back to the other trainees in the room. There are a bunch of them in this dance workshop, apparently— a group of close to ten other boys are in front of the mirror, a few a bit younger than Doyoung, a few a bit older. Doyoung wants to look at all of them— size them up, they are competition after all— but his eyes keep getting drawn to the same young man who caught his eye when he walked in.</p><p>The young man that looks exactly like Jaehyun.</p><p>It must have been three years since Jaehyun disappeared from his dreams, now, but Doyoung would remember that face anywhere. Sure, Jaehyun is older now— he's tall, lean and muscular, not the soft-cheeked boy Doyoung had known— but he looks exactly the same, the eyes, the dimples, the hair. When Taeyong calls out to the other boys in the room and Jaehyun looks over, Doyoung swears his heart is about to stop.</p><p>Taeyong takes the time to introduce him to each of the boys individually— Johnny, Hansol, Yuta, Taeil. Then, he turns to the boy Doyoung saw when he first walked in. "This is Jaehyun," he supplies helpfully, goodnaturedly. Doyoung hopes his shock doesn't appear on his face.</p><p>Through the tornado of emotions, he sees Jaehyun smile, bow politely. "Nice to meet you," he says pleasantly, politely. If he recognizes who he's talking to, none of it shows on his face. Doyoung feels like screaming.</p><p>The first dance workshop passes in a blur. Getting accepted as a trainee for SM Entertainment already felt surreal, but walking into his first dance training session and seeing a person he had met in his dreams makes it even worse. Doyoung isn't sure how he makes it through without making an absolute mockery of himself, and he's beyond relieved when it ends and Doyoung can run to the washroom to have an inevitable breakdown.</p><p>He hurries into a stall, shuts and locks the door behind him, and very barely stops himself from screaming.</p><p>So he met Jaehyun. Or, he met a man named Jaehyun who looked like Jaehyun. The Jaehyun that Doyoung saw in his dreams for years, but disappeared for three years once Doyoung started ignoring him to try and smother his developing crush. That Jaehyun. Good god, the world is cruel.</p><p>Doyoung isn't sure how any of this happened. Was the Jaehyun of his dreams made up? Had he met Jaehyun when they were young and just didn't remember it, and his brain filled in the details all those years? No, Doyoung is sure he would have remembered meeting the person who would end up flooding his thoughts for the next decade. Besides, the dreams he had with Jaehyun were too vivid and detailed to be normal, and Doyoung had them too frequently to write them off as mere coincidence. How had Jaehyun aged in his mind if Doyoung never saw him aging, let alone met him, in real life? How did the Jaehyun of his dreams seem so real, unless he was this Jaehyun that Doyoung had just met in a dance workshop of all places?</p><p>How was the Jaehyun of his dreams real, if the Jaehyun he met in real life didn't seem to remember Doyoung at all?</p><p>Doyoung tries his best not to cry. He can't tell Jaehyun— of course he can't. He had just gotten accepted as a trainee, and Doyoung isn't about to try to ruin his chances by making himself look like a crazy person. Besides, how would that conversation even begin? <em> Hi, sorry to bother you, but you showed up in my dreams for my entire childhood and I had a crush on you but I ignored you to try and forget about it and then you disappeared and I thought you died, could you please confirm whether or not that was really you? </em></p><p>As another boy calls into the bathroom that the next workshop is starting and Doyoung puts on his bravest face, he knows there is no way he would ever be able to mention this to anyone.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Doyoung sits on the floor of the studio and stares resolutely at his water bottle.</p><p>It's been a few months since Doyoung was accepted as a trainee. The other boys are nice. They're great, even. Taeyong is kind, and him and Doyoung have struck up a solid friendship quite quickly. Johnny and Yuta are nice and fun as well, the two of them picking up the mood among the trainees despite lacking the native language skills the rest of them have. Hansol and Taeil are quieter and older, but they would still play and joke with the rest of them while helping to ground the group.</p><p>And then there's Jaehyun.</p><p>Jaehyun, who is a year younger than him, who likes sports and singing and was born on Valentine's Day. Jaehyun, who lived in America for four years. Jaehyun, who asks Doyoung questions about his life that Doyoung remembers talking about with the Jaehyun in his dreams. Jaehyun, who calls Doyoung "Doyoungie-hyung" when no one else is listening. Jaehyun, who perfectly matches the Jaehyun that Doyoung met in his dreams. Jaehyun, who Doyoung is falling for all over again.</p><p>Doyoung knew he was screwed from the moment he walked into the studio on the first day and saw Jaehyun. He knew that as much as he tried to avoid Jaehyun or ignore him, there was no pushing him away this time. Because the two of them were in the same class of trainees, the two of them would have to work together, talk, get friendly, and Doyoung was inevitably going to fall for him again. He tried to convince his mind and heart of otherwise; Doyoung tried to push his feelings onto Johnny, onto Taeyong, even Yuta. But his heart has always been unruly, and has always, for years, been in love with Jaehyun.</p><p>So Doyoung was doing what he did best— squashing his feelings down in his own chest.</p><p>Fingers snapping in front of his face startle Doyoung out of his thoughts. When he glances up, he sees Yuta drawing his hand back, laughing as Doyoung glares at him. "Doyoung-ah," he says teasingly, "you're staring so much, you'll put a hole in the floor like that."</p><p>The other trainees laugh as Doyoung takes a joking, halfhearted swing at Yuta, the other pushing and sliding back on the wood floor to get away. "Quit it," Doyoung complains, but Yuta just grins, unapologetic.</p><p>"Why are you spacing out?" Johnny asks, concern hidden under a layer of playfulness in a way that is so like Johnny. Serious, but never too serious. Doyoung appreciates him for that. "Are you worried about the showcase?"</p><p>Right, the trainee showcase. The first SM Entertainment trainee showcase since Doyoung was cast is in just a couple of days, and all of the boys are logging long hours in the studios and practice rooms to prepare, Doyoung included. He knows that he'll do well, so he isn't terribly worried— but Doyoung wants to be perfect. "I'm not spacing out," Doyoung protests, but the look Johnny gives him tells Doyoung that he isn't believing a second of it. "I'm just tired, that's all."</p><p>"You'll have to get used to that," Hansol calls from a bit further away, standing and stretching in front of the mirror while the other boys sit on the floor. He gives Doyoung a sympathetic smile, and Doyoung smiles back.</p><p>The conversation doesn't have much room to go further than that— in the next short moments, their instructor walks back into the dance studio, and the boys pick themselves back up off the floor and into spots across the studio. As the instructor begins speaking, though, Doyoung notices eyes on him, and turns his head to find Jaehyun in the spot next to him, watching Doyoung. Doyoung feels his traitorous heart speed up at that, and he quickly looks away.</p><p>Thankfully, Jaehyun waits for practice to be fully over and the others to start their own late-night showcase rehearsals before saying anything, catching up to Doyoung on his way out the door. "Hyung," he calls, and Doyoung forces himself not to turn around, hoping that Jaehyun is calling for someone else, but then he hears footsteps behind him and Jaehyun's voice calling again, "Doyoungie-hyung."</p><p>When Doyoung turns, Jaehyun is a few steps behind him, watching Doyoung with a carefully concerned expression. "Are you okay?" he asks quietly, clearly not trying to bring attention to the two of them. Jaehyun is good at things like this— staying grounded, staying neutral. Doyoung should work on that himself. "You've been kind of off lately.."</p><p>"I'm fine," Doyoung assures firmly, trying not to seem like he's making such a quick escape but also not wanting to draw this out for a second longer than necessary. "Like I said before, I'm just tired. I'll get used to it."</p><p>"Are you sure?" Jaehyun presses. He takes a step closer to Doyoung, and without thinking, Doyoung takes a step back. He tries not to notice the way Jaehyun's expression changes at that. "If you're tired, we can get coffee— I can go with you to the convenience store, or I think there's a cafe open nearby—"</p><p>"I said it's fine," Doyoung cuts him off. It's too harsh, and he and Jaehyun both know it; Doyoung instantly regrets the words that left his mouth once he sees how Jaehyun freezes at hearing them. He tries to soften himself, but he's built his walls high enough at this point that it feels impossible. "Don't worry, I'm okay. I'll go first, okay?"</p><p>Jaehyun doesn't answer immediately, and Doyoung presses his emotions down, down, deep in his chest as he turns away. But then he hears a quick step behind him, and a warm hand is closing around Doyoung's wrist. "Hyung—"</p><p>The second Jaehyun's skin touches his, all the dreams Doyoung shared with Jaehyun come launching into the forefront of his mind, playing out before his eyes. All the memories, from when they were children up until the last dream that Jaehyun disappeared from, flooding and overwhelming his senses until he feels like he's drowning in it.</p><p>Doyoung wrenches his wrist away as if he'd been burned, stumbling with the force. When he turns to look at Jaehyun, the other young man looks as shocked as Doyoung feels, his hand hovering uselessly in the air in front of him. "Hyung," Jaehyun says, his voice soft and shaken. "Hyung, I—"</p><p>"No," Doyoung blurts out without thinking. There's no way. There's no way that this is the same person that Doyoung was dreaming about his whole life, that he remembers Doyoung too. "No, Jaehyun, I—"</p><p>Jaehyun takes a step closer to Doyoung, and Doyoung does the only thing he can think of: he takes off running.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It's cool outside at this hour. The wind blows past Doyoung on the roof of the company building, pushing his hair back from his face, and he shivers under the weight of the memories of when he and Jaehyun were last on a roof.</p><p>So Jaehyun knows. He must know, he must have known this whole time. As much as Doyoung tried to reason it away and ignore what was happening, the truth was there the whole time. There was no way for it to be a coincidence. And then Jaehyun touched him for the first time, and all the memories came flooding back...</p><p>Doyoung looks over when he hears the door to the roof click open. Standing under the small, golden light above the door is Jaehyun.</p><p>Doyoung opens his mouth to— he doesn't know really, maybe brush Jaehyun off, tell him to leave— but Jaehyun speaks first. "Do you remember how we first met?" the younger man blurts out, and Doyoung blinks at him for a moment.</p><p>"In a dance studio," Doyoung begins, quiet but just loud enough to be heard over the wind and the sounds of the city at nighttime. On the street below, the road is lit up like embers. Maybe if he keeps the illusion, he can keep his heart smothered and unlit. "At my first workshop—"</p><p>"We were in a park," Jaehyun cuts him off, his voice desperate, earnest, pleading. Doyoung feels like he can't breathe. "I was five, and you were six. It was night time. I was lost and scared and crying in the dark, and you came and found me. I knew you already, so I ran up to you, but you didn't know me yet. But you did, eventually— when we went to the lake, when we met in the subway, at your school, at my school. You got to know me, and I got to know you, and even when you ignored me or you disappeared, I— I was in love with you. I still am in love with you."</p><p>Doyoung's heart feels too big for his chest. Under the light of the lamp, Jaehyun is haloed, spun gold falling over his shoulders, over his face. The person he'd been dreaming about all these years is in front of him, waiting, still, after more than a decade. Doyoung can't wait anymore.</p><p>"Doyoungie-hyung," Jaehyun says, as Doyoung runs into his arms, warm and wrapped around his neck. "I've been looking everywhere for you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you to the prompter for allowing me to finally expel this idea from my head after all these years. i enjoyed writing this fic even though it absolutely, definitely got away from me at several points, and i hope it meets your expectations!</p><p>thank you to n, my enabler, my truest soulmate. thank you for keeping me on my dojae shit all these years and for always supporting me even when i just complain for several hours instead of actually doing any writing. my dojae fics are always for you!</p><p>thank you to my kids, r, d, i, l, for always supporting me with my writing, and for yelling at me to stop yearning on priv and complaining in the gc and go back to writing. i love you all so much. your hearts and my heart are very good friends, or whatever.</p><p>thank you to the mods, for accommodating my two (2) extensions because i'm a disaster who is unable to meet a deadline ever lol. if there's another round, i promise i'll be better!</p><p>and lastly, thank you, the reader, for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>